The Act of Pausing, Reflecting and Letting Go - by Lanita Varshell

Yes, it's been a while since I wrote anything.

I realize that my social media posts have been inconsistent.

I recognize that I haven't put much effort into filling my Zoom classes or developing new in-person courses or workshops.

I acknowledge that I have been talking about all the books I want to write for years, yet I have yet to complete one.

Many times, I've asked myself…why?

Then, listening quietly, and the answer would always be:

"Don't worry, you're just on a pause right now."

Where I used to worry about not 'doing enough,'

I reflect on this, accept it, and let go.

The act of pausing, reflecting, and letting go has been very healing for me.

Where I used to feel constantly guilty about not doing enough,

I feel at peace now.

Where I once thought I had to achieve 'big' things in the world to find my purpose, I now realize that the small things bring me immense joy.

Today, I found some notes I jotted down after visiting my daughter and her family in Florida.

Titled: What brought me joy on this trip? Here is what I wrote:

~ Playing Tabu and Monopoly Deal (the card game) with my daughter

and son-in-law, listening to him chat about his life growing up. Feeling my love for him deepen as I get to know him better.

~ Feeling the joy of trust and connection with my granddaughter when, after a bit of persuasion, I received permission to brush her long, fine hair that was matted and tangled.

~ Walking barefoot on fresh carpet in their new home and feeling the softness of it against my arms and hands as I taught a Zoom class on the floor. New carpet - What a wonderful feeling!

~ Lounging on their back porch, watching an alligator expose his head to the warm sun on the pond behind their yard, reflecting on how wherever we go, no matter how perfect or beautiful things may seem, threats lurk all around us, we can still coexist peacefully with those dangers.

~ Sitting in the airplane flying home, I feel the excitement that never wanes while being on the sunny side of fluffy white clouds, the excitement of my inner child who believes I can jump down and bounce on them. I recall the words of a song: “I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down, and still, somehow, I really don’t know clouds at all.”

These little moments brought me joy, and I still do as I re-write them and smile.

For today, here is what I know to be true:

Every day, when I first wake up, I can consciously choose what I will focus on and pay attention to.

I don't have a life without worries or fears.

I could make myself sick worrying about many things happening in my life.

I could live in sadness or depression each day because of things that have happened to me or are happening right now.

But I have been blessed with free will.

I choose to be happy or sad, depressed or joyful.

I choose - no one else can choose it for me or take it from me, no matter what is happening to me, around me, or in the world.

Today, I choose to write.

I choose to tell those of you who still read my emails - Thank you!

To let those of you who attend my classes and retreats know how honored I am to be in your presence.

And finally, I want to express my deep gratitude to all of you who have mentored and supported me over the past thirty years.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!